It's a Love Thing: The Evolution of Courtship & Dating

The Science of Love

 

Butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, the feeling of being in love...we know these phenomenons but what causes them? What causes our bodies and brains to act a certain way when we are in love? The Science of Love Podcast explains the scientific reasoning behind being in love, down to the chemicals released in our brains to why a broken heart literally hurts. Though we sometimes do not know what is going on in our head when we are in love, The Science of Love tells us what is going on in our brain. Enjoy!

A Love Poem in the Park

"The family is a haven in a heartless world"- Christopher Lasch

 "In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life"- Bliss and Cerney

"If you're a bird, I'm a bird"- The Notebook 

 "I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach"- Elizabeth Barret Browning

"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain"- Mark Twain 

"Like music on the waters is thy sweet voice to me"- Lord Byron 

 "Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. you know whatever you do, they'll still be there"- Amy Li

"He is my most beloved friend and my bitterest rival, my confidant and my betrayer, my sustainer and my dependent, and scariest of all, my equal"- Gregg Levoy 

 "The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship"- Francis Bacon

 

 "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired"- Anonymous

 "Love is like a child, that longs for everything it can come by"- William Shakespeare

 "I love you with all my heart"- Mom

Matters of the Heart: the Psychology of Love

What could inspire the bravest, proudest man to stand outside a girl's window holding a boom box? What could possibly compel the most intelligent, rational woman to leave her well to do fiancee for a man she has not seen in seven years? It is the same thing that inspires words like "What is it you want, Mary? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down." It is the subject of Grammy winning songs, Oscar winning movies, and Pulitzer prize winning poetry. As a wise men once said, "L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see, V is very very extraordinary, E is even more than anyone that you adore," and that spells LOVE folks.

 Love is a huge part of American culture. It is present in the media, in movies, on television, and in songs. From very young ages, girls are exposed to Disney movies in which princesses are swept off their feet by handsome, charming young princes. Many a book series takes advantage of the want for a fantasy like love such as "The Twilight Saga" by Stephanie Meyer which has grossed millions and has been made into wildly successful films. Even marketing in our culture preys on the human desire for love, letting consumers believe that if they buy a certain product they will be loved like the woman being held by a man resembling Matthew McConaughey. All this love is present in American culture but do people really know what it means? They say "I Love You" all the time, but do they really know the true meaning of the word? What is love?

According to Professor Jeremy Wolfe who teaches many psychology classes at MIT and Harvard, love is an emotion, a state of mind, a feeling, and a motivation to possess the object of desire. From an evolutionary standpoint, Professor Wolfe argues, love exists because it serves the purpose of passing on genes through reproduction or through nurturing the next generation. Men were concerned with passing on their genes by impregnating women, a biological aspect which has become part of their behavior. Psychology heavyweight Sigmund Freud believed that romantic love comes out of a need for the nurturing of civilization. While reproduction is necessary to keep the population alive, the next generation could not survive without parents. In ancient times when women were more dependent on men, the romantic love between the mother and the father nurtured the child and enabled their success. The men protected and supported the family while the women cared for the babies. Women looked for evidence of resources in men because they needed support for themselves and their family. Men sought younger female mates because they were capable of having more children. These are subconcious behaviors that carry over in men and women even today but maybe for different reasons. According to Dr. Frank Conner who presented a lecture entitiled, "The Psychology of Love: Do Opposites Attract or Do Birds of a Feather Flock Together?", humans love for the purpose of survival (living in community), socialization (having someone to talk to and be with) and affirmation (someone to affirm and make them feel good about themselves).

Psychologist M. Scott Peck defined love as, "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth".  According to Dr. Conner, love means knowing the person, caring about the person, having a responsibility toward the person, having respect and dignity for the person, accepting imperfection, and growth for both people in the relationship. Love can encompass many relationships, for example there is love between a father and a son, two best friends, and a husband and a wife, but all are different kinds of love. To describe these relationships, Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed the triangular love theory in 1986.

According to Sternberg, the three main elements of love are Intimacy (Closeness based on sharing feelings, thoughts, secrets, etc.), Commitment (Choice to be in the relationship), and Passion (Physical Attraction). Combining these elements or leaving them by themselves creates 7 different types of love. For instance, the combination of intimacy and commitment creates Companionate Love or the love felt by two best friends. Fatuous Love or the combination of passion and commitment is a relationship based on physical attraction. Romantic Love or the combination of passion and intimacy is more of a fling because there is no commitment. The true love people seek in a soul mate is Consummate Love or the combination of all three elements. According to Dr. Conner, it is good to have multiple elements because naturally some will wane, but if there are other things in the relationship besides passion for example, intimacy and commitment will hold the relationship together.

Next comes attraction, and there are many surprising elements that cause it. The first element is proximity. It has been proven that people generally like those who sit next to them in class more than those who sit across the room. Physical closeness and proximity plays a subconscious role in attraction. Interaction also causes attraction, people tend to like those with whom they interact more than those they do not. Believe it or not, exclusionary criteria plays a role in attraction. Everyone has a list of certain things they absolutely DO NOT want in a partner. This list can repel them from people who have those qualities and lead them to others who do not have those undesirable traits. Humans tend to like those who like them, therefore reciprocal liking is another element. Social exchange is another trait of attraction or those little questions everyone asks in their head "What do I deserve?" and "What is the possibility of finding someone better?". Lastly Similarity is probably the most important element of attraction. Opposites do attract sometimes but these relationships usually do not last very long because opposites do not affirm each other. For example, if a Mormon girl and a party animal guy are in a relationship, how long will it take for their ideals to clash? People are attracted to those who are similar to themselves, sometimes even in looks. In a study, 5 male subjects were shown photographs of women and asked to say which one was the most attractive to them. They were each photographed themselves before they viewed the pictures. What they did not know was that their pictures were computer generated to turn them into women; this picture was then put in the slide show. Surprisingly each male subject picked the female counterpart of themselves as the most attractive woman.

To find Romeo, Casanova, or Taylor Lautner there are certain things Dr. Conner recommends doing. To find love believe you can and should be loved, work on yourself, show interest in someone, get the person to do something for you (because this gets them asking themselves if they like you), do something exciting like watch a horror movie (because the emotions of fear create the same biological brainwaves as love), make it equal from the beginning, and take a chance. Once there is a catch, Dr. Conner has relationship advice as well! A secure attachment (good self esteem and good perception of others), Communal Equity or doing things for the other person knowing they will do something nice in return, Self Disclosure or sharing secrets, feelings, and dreams because it develops intimacy, and finally Acceptance of mistakes and imperfections in the other person. On the down side, heart break and pain are inevitable in matters of love but the most important thing to remember is that LOVE AND ABUSE CANNOT EXIST. Love can be blind but if verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse occurs...the relationship MUST end. Love is for those who respect, cherish, and treat one another well, not for those who choose to abuse it.

Later Lakers!!!

Yesterday, the Dallas Mavericks swept the Los Angeles Lakers with a 122-86 victory. Andrew Bynum and Lamar Odum were ejected 45 seconds apart. It was the first time Lakers coach Phil Jackson had been swept in his 21 seasons as a coach. Can I just say THANK GOD! The Lakers have about a million championships in their franchise and one more is not necessary. Though I hate the Mavericks, I despise, detest, and loathe the Lakers. I think it is mostly Kobe Bryant. With the two time defending championships out of the running it is now between either the Mavericks, the Thunder, or the Grizzlies in the West and the Bulls, the Hawks, the Heat or the Celtics in the East. It should be interesting to see who will come out on top in the 2011 playoffs. My bet is the Heat or the Celtics but again thank God it's not the Lakers!

Osama Bin Laden Dead...Finally

After a decade of running and playing hide and seek, the news came last week that Osama Bin Laden, the notorious leader of Al Queda and the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks, had been killed. A Navy SEAL team ambushed Bin Laden's $1 million compound killing everyone in the house, lastly Bin Laden. The SEAL team then took Bin Laden's body onto a U.S. ship, cleaned it, wrapped it in cloth, and dumped it into the ocean. Upon news of Bin Laden's death, Americans celebrated by wrapping themselves in American flags and drinking beer.

When I found out Bin Laden had been killed I felt relieved. I felt bad being happy that someone was dead, but Bin Laden was not just a man he was a monster. President Obama has secured a political victory with his death which is much needed. The man who was on the run for nearly a decade has finally been caught, allowing Americans and the rest of the world to breathe easier. Though there is fear that there will be a retaliation from Al Queda, only time will tell what will happen in the future.

The World Watches the Royal Wedding

This Friday Prince William and long time girlfriend Catherine Middleton were wed at Westminster Abbey while billions of people around the world watched the ceremony on many different channels. Prince William and his best man and brother Prince Harry arrived in military uniform, while the bride arrived in a breath taking wedding gown designed by Sarah Burton. It was a long sleeved lace and ivory satin design with a 9 foot train and a veil a tiara to match. As Middleton walked down the aisle, Prince Harry said to his brother, "Wait until you see what's coming". When she arrived at the altar Prince William said, "You look beautiful". Though the newly wed couple were not able to kiss in the church (that is not tradition in the church of Englad), they locked lips twice on the balcony before half a million screaming Britains. Your Royal Highnesses the Duke and Dutchess of Cambridge then proceeded to Buckingham Palace for an evening dinner which lasted until the early hours of the next morning. And on the next day, a helicopter whisked them off to an unknown destination for their honeymoon as husband and wife.

When I told people I watched the Royal Wedding they said in reply, "Why do you care?" Well, first of all I am a hopeless romantic though I try to hide it (don't tell anyone) and Kate Middleton is living the life that every girl dreams of at least once. She got Prince Charming, literally Prince Generous, Polo Playing, Uniform Wearing, Charming. She is a commoner and he is a prince, they fell in love and got married, that is seriously a fairytale come true! Secondly, in a world where bad news is all we see, this was a grand event of happiness. When interviewed, the U.S. ambassador to St. James Palace said, "Everyone needs a day to bask in happiness and just smile, and that's what we did today". With everything that is happening in the world, war, tragedy, disaster, it was a welcome relief to see love and joy. That is why the Royal Wedding had such global appeal. As for the new couple, I wish them a long life of love and happiness something William's parents were deprived of.

Where Were You Born Obama??

In the past 2 years, there have been questions and rumors about the President of the United States. Many seem to think he is not a naturally born citizen, which is one of the requirements for the office of president. According to BBC News, potential Republican candidate Donald Trump is one of the main antagonists in ordering President Obama to cough up his birth certificate. The President had previously refused to give his birth certificate for unclear reasons but on Wednesday it was finally released. In response to this Trump said, "I am very proud of myself." President Obama told the press he is over this nonsense and now hopes the nation will focus on more important matters of his presidency.

I had heard rumors during Obama's campaign that some did not trust him because he is Muslim and his middle name is Hussein and also that he was not born in the U.S. It is a little suspicious to me that Obama did not turn over his birth certificate until now but if he was not born in the United States I feel he would not have been able to hide it for this long. On the other hand, Donald Trump, the guy who yells, "YOU'RE FIRED!!!", is leading this crusade on the President. To me, this seems more like a political strategy to slander the President's reputation and good name rather than to uncover the truth for the good of the American people. If Trump could prove that Obama was not born in the United States it would ensure that he would not be reelected and Trump could have higher chances of winning the presidency. Though Trump is a business man, he is already mastering the conniving, sneaky ways of a politician. In the game of politics there is no way to tell who is being honest and who is not so hopefully time will tell.

DID YOU SEE THE CRICKET CUP??



Last week India defeated Sri Lanka in the Cricket World Cup. The game is though to have been the most widely viewed sports event ever, with 1 billion people around the world watching. India's victory sparked wild celebrations and governments bestowed lavish rewards on the players, who are treated like "national treasures" even when they are not winners. The Board of Control for Cricket in India gave each player $225,000 and other governments also gave their players tens of thousands of dollars. Other rewards included land, medals, and honorary doctorates. Kingfisher offered each member of India's Cricket Team free air travel for life and several auto companies offered free cars.

First of all we are talking about cricket here, not the chirpey little animal that sets off awkward silences, but the sport. I have heard of it before but how could this sport that is relatively unheard of in America inspire 1 billion viewers to go nuts? Think of cricket as a more refined version of baseball but with no catcher. The team batting seeks to hit the ball and run around the bases to score, while the other team wants to get 3 outs to end their "innings" or opportunity to bat. In a way cricket is the world's baseball. While the rest of the world watches cricket, the U.S. has to be different, we watch baseball and instead of futbol we watch football. This may explain why when everyone else was watching the cricket game, I was probably watching Grey's Anatomy. It is crazy to me the benefits these cricket players receive! Free air travel for life, money, land and medals? Maybe cricket should be my new hobby...I could even get a free car out of it!

Arizona's Fat Tax



Phoenix received publicity this past week in "The Week" magazine concerning Arizona Governor Jan Brewer. Brewer has undergone a shower of criticism for her cut of transplant coverage last year. Due to this, 98 Medicaid recipients were denied lifesaving kidney transplants and other operations. In order to raise $500 million for much needed organ transplants, Brewer has proposed a new plan that her critics have dubbed the "fat tax". This is a tax that charges $50 a year to Medicaid patients who are obese and fail to follow a doctor prescribed weight loss plan, as well as patients who continue to smoke and diabetics who fail to get their condition under control.

This is an interesting proposition proposed by Brewer. I cannot say I am a fan of Governor Brewer because she seems to have a flair for negative attention and controversy. Her antics with SB 1070 have put Arizona on the map as a center of racial discrimination and this law has focused even more criticism on the Valley. I do not agree with her decision to cut organ transplants because that is a question of life and death. I do not understand budgeting in the government and to me it is very flawed but her proposition to impose this "fat tax" is interesting to me. If transplants must be cut, this tax does not seem like a horrible idea to me. Those who are being taxed are facing preventable conditions. I realize there are obstacles in all of these cases, like money and circumstance but again these conditions are preventable. Those who do not want to pay $50 a year will be forced to get their disease or addiction under control. If this tax is passed it will no doubt bring more attention and controversy to Arizona but maybe in this case it will actually be worth it.

Teenage Drug Abuse Skyrockets



In the past 3 years, ecstacy use in teenagers has risen 67%, 1 in 10 teenagers now use it. Marijuana use has also risen 22% with 4 in 10 teenagers using it. Teens say that smoking pot is not out of the norm "smoking cigarettes is looked down upon more than smoking pot" says senior Samantha Gerson. As for alcohol, 71% of teens have a drink before they leave high school. The average age teens start drinking is 14 and some even start as young as 12. After a steady decline in substance and alcohol abuse in the last decade, many campaigns to speak out against these issues have stopped airing in efforts to cut the government budget. Now the statistics are up to a dangerous number, with many teenagers partying, drinking, taking drugs and overdosing.

Teenagers by nature are curious and experimental. This unfortunately leads them to drugs and alchol. Part of the problem is that drug use and drinking are idealized in the media today. Songs, music videos, and movies advertise that doing drugs and getting wasted are a mark of fame and will make you cool. These vices can also be an outlet for teenagers who are stressed, depressed, or bored. Drug use and alcohol abuse are especially dangerous for teenagers because their brains are not fully developed. Statistics also show that kids who drink are much more likely to grow up with an addiction to alcohol. Another appeal to drinking and drug use is the fact that it is illegal, and sometimes people get a high from breaking the rules. With all of this said, campaigns should be restored to discourage the use of drugs and alcohol but the parents and the kids ultimately hold the real power. Parents can be loving, encouraging and supportive of their children so that they do not want to fill a void in their life with drugs or alcohol. Curious teenagers can use self control, say no and mean it. Despite what anyone says, teenagers ARE capable of making their own choices even if they sometimes don't like to admit it.

Seriously Kidding

On April 8th, Massachusetts resident Robert Wood was at the bank depositing money when a robber pointed a gun in his face demanding cash. Wood apparently thought the whole scenario was a practical joke and defied the robber simply saying "no". The robber threw a bag at Wood telling him to put his money inside threatening to shoot him. Wood threw the bag back at the robber shocking everyone in the bank, including the robber. Wood says, "I think if he had his glasses off he would have had fear in his eyes." The armed man then turned his attention to bank tellers allowing Wood to get a good look at him. Police officers were able to arrest the suspect, Mark Lepage, and charge him with armed robbery. Wood came out of the whole ordeal just fine, though he did get a strong scolding from his worried wife who told him, "You never take anything seriously." He replied with, "That's my nature!"

This story was interesting because how many people really defy the demands of an armed gunman? We all like to think we would have the courage to say no, but when it is life and death, survival instincts come into play and that's the end of it. Maybe Robert Wood's survival instincts are a little slow or maybe he really does have an extremely lax personality. What else can explain how Wood looked at the man pointing a gun in his face and thought he was joking? This was an ironic situation because the robber thought he had power over Wood but in actuality, Wood saw right through the scared gunman. It makes me wonder if many other people had the courage or in this case, the sense of humor, to defy criminals, would the criminals be capable of going through with the act? They are usually faced with little opposition, which makes the crime easier to commit, but when it comes down to pulling the trigger some lack the audacity. This is an experiment I would not be willing to take part in but apparently Wood is. All I can say is Wood is very lucky that the man pointing a gun in his face had the courage of the cowardly lion.

Defying Gravity

Caitie Andreen a member of the Xavier Track team listens to her iPod before a race: athletes do many things to warm up and get in the zone before they compete

Xavier Hurdlers loosen up before getting into their blocks, the gun that starts the race can be seen to the left

Xavier Hurdlers "take their marks" in anticipation for the start of the race

The same hurdlers get into the "set" position preparing to acclerate off their blocks

Brophy Hurdlers jump over their 4'' obstacles

Coaches encourage their runners to keep going when endurance and stamina are required like in the long distance races 

 Brophy long distance runners run the curve in a race: experienced runners are able to keep a fast pace for a long duration of time in these races

A Brophy pole vaulter on the downfall of his leap

A Xavier pole vaulter defies gravity: great pole vaulters can end up clearing around 11 or 12 feet

Xavier high jumper Mckenna Renfro focuses in on her obstacle

Brophy athletes look on as Renfro clears 5''2'

High jumpers learn to maneuver their bodies to jump over a high target

My First Love Affair with New York City: The History and the Lights

My first view of Times Square

  We got to see Wicked but I plan on seeing all of these shows in the future

The Forever21 in Times Square was 4 stories...I fell in love

Do not attempt surfing on the NYC Subway it doesn't work...at all

Yes I'm scared of heights and yes I went to the top of the Empire State Building...all 80+ stories

The great view made me forget to drop a penny off the side

And now some history: this is the boat many of our ancestors rode for weeks to get to the U.S.

This is the sight the immigrants saw in the distance telling them they could finally be free

Immigrants entered the U.S. through Ellis Island, it is today as it was decades ago, a timeless representation of diversity and freedom

The Statue of Liberty was huge and majestic

A blue lady liberty represents freedom even against a blood red war torn sky

I was amazed by the architecture inside St. Patrick's Cathedral, I couldn't stop looking up

THAT'S A GRAVEYARD and its massive...literally miles long...my last view out of New York  

Life is a Dance

Recently the nation has been swept by the show "Dancing With the Stars" in which celebrities are paired with professional ballroom dancers to perform on national television in front of millions of viewers. Each pair gets one week to learn the complicated ballroom routines. And while Ballroom dance is used by many celebrities as a way to shed off unwanted pounds, there are many life lessons to be learned in this form of dance. Tatianna Keegan is a competitive ballroom dancer who sees the value in learning to ballroom dance, "What the stars are really learning is how to be responsible". Keegan says that both the teacher and the student must take responsibility to learn their own steps and practice them thoroughly. There is no dominance or submission but rather an equal harmonious partnership. This is a valuable lesson in life, learning not to depend on others but also not to control others.

The movie "Take the Lead" starring Antonio Banderas also sees Ballroom dancing as a means to teach life lessons. Banderas plays Pierre Dulaine, a ballroom dance teacher who volunteers to take over detention at an inner city New York high school. Instead of banging erasers, the troubled youth in detention are taught ballroom dancing. At first, they HATE it but in time they learn that "Life is a Dance" just as Dulaine says. The movie is based on a true story and teaching ballroom dancing to teenagers in New York public schools became a permanent program. In the movie Dulaine says ballroom dancing teaches young men to touch a girl with respect while it teaches young women to trust men and more importantly to trust herself.

Therefore when all of these elements are brought together, the practice of the moves with the valuable lessons each person learns...the result is magic on the dancefloor, like this scene from "Take the Lead"...